Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
