come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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