Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
