It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
