i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
