I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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