So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
