I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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