You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
