i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
