She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
