And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
