Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
