You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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