The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
