I smell stomach acid.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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