Christians are straight up FREAKS
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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