Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
