Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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