i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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