i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
