RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
