Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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