yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
