I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
