And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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