I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
