If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
