I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Alive.
So much puke
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
