Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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