I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
