so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
