dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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