i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
