Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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