HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
