This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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