So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
