A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
