U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
only if we run a train.
done.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
