Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Is it penis luge time yet?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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