She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
