I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
