You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
