I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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