HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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