Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
