wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Randomize
