Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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