Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
